I could never explain my self in words, cause language has its own limitations. When I was born, I have no idea about ‘who am i’, i don’t even remember that ‘i am’, but still I existed.
The unconscious of ‘i am’ continued till I was three years old, then I had my first glimpse of this conscious world, then I had realised that ‘i am’ I was growing fast as if there was some urgency, my schooling passed, my college days passed, ups and downs passed, my body was changing fast, I was accumulating muscle and bone, mentally I have accumulated countless thoughts, beliefs, concepts about myself.
I have no idea what I was doing in this world, I thought I was an average guy just like anybody else. Now am grown up, married and IAM blessed with two baby girls, IAM happily married, despite few obstacles, everything was constantly changing, nothing was spontaneous. I was Little bit spiritual since childhood, I have inherited spirituality from my parents. Some how I have attracted towards self realization, then I have started reading books of Sri bhagawan Ramana maharshi, since then I have changed internally, all my beliefs, concepts have collapsed, even though some doubts haunted me, but there was no power of doubts on me.
So, what is the difference between the ‘i am’ when I was born and the ‘i am’ now. Both are same, when I was born I was not identified with my thoughts or mind, cause I haven’t accumulated anything in my mind, but now I have accumulated so many things, the body and mind are only accumulated, not me, IAM the only observer, which is not changing at all. The only thing is, I was not aware of the observer when I was born, the observer was ever present, unshakable, spontaneous, without pieces, it cannot be touched by death.
And the observer is not apart from the absolute awareness, the one without second, when there is a separation that IAM doing there is suffering, if you know that you are not separate from the absolute awareness that is pure knowledge and bliss. Self realization is not a concept, it is knowing that you are not a limited or separate person, you are that unlimited awareness, which never moves, only at the level of mind movement happens, once you are aware of, it vanishes. You are always that self, but the mind is the obstacle for realization. Therefore, self realization will not happen in the future, nor you can say I have realised the self, in both ways ego is operating, the self realization is NOW.
Thank you for reading…